Making a Scene

Tonight, Eve and I had the privilege of dining at Biaggi's. It was fun because Billy--er, uh, William--was our waiter. It was kinda cool seeing him wait on other tables...you know...I got to see him in action.

It's Christmas Eve, and he had to work, so that was why we went there. Christmas Eve is a time when you should be with your families. And I wonder why people think that spending time with their families is more important than waiters being able to spend time with their families. But anyway, we got to see him.

We got to see something else cool, too, while we were there. A couple of tables over, a man proposed to his girlfriend. (She said, "yes.") It was very sweet. Everyone in our section clapped.

Anyway, tomorrow's Christmas, and I'm excited because we have a whole day together, which is quite a rarity these days.

Getting All Crafty

So, getting ready for Ashlyn is great fun. All these little projects are somewhat overwhelming, but at the same time, it's really rewarding and exciting. I think I already wrote something along these lines, but my mind is pretty foggy of late.

Today, a friend of mine gave me tons of baby stuff...everything from clothes to a walker to a changing table. The only negative: the table was oak finish. Yes, I said "WAS." It is not a nasty version of white primer with bits of oak finish peaking through, but I feel really good about that. Cause tomorrow, hopefully, I'll put on another coat, and then I'll just need one coat of some semi-gloss white paint and viola! a beautiful and useful piece of furniture for Ashlyn's room.

It's fun to be all crafty. But it does tend to hurt my back.

A Worthy Quote

"A lot of people don't like Christians, but how can you not like Jesus?" --David Niednagel

Wide Awake

Well, here it is 3:12 a.m. When else would I think about updating my blog? There's been a lot going on lately, I guess, so here while I actually have more to write about, I don't have the time.

I've been busy trying to get things ready for Ashlyn's room. She'll be here in about 3 weeks, and I have a ton yet to do. It's been fun to see it progress, and once the furniture's finished in there, it will really be something. These sleepless nights can be annoying sometimes, but they can also be productive. I got quite a bit of organizing done in there tonight.

Unfortunately, I also found some mouse droppings, which is disturbing. We had some mice in the kitchen, and the pest control guy came out to set poison traps down. We haven't seen evidence of the mice in the kitchen again, but now I see some in my baby's room! I'm not sure if it's old, and they're dead, or if it's new and they just migrated.

Eve-Marie's doing good, despite a little battle with the flu. She's been cooperating pretty well with resting and drinking lots of water. She's such a sweet heart. I'm crazy about her. Sometimes I wonder how I'll love both daughters equally, but every parent of more than one that I know tells me it happens somehow.

So, I'm really excited to see Ashlyn...you know to see her features and her hair. Billy and I both had blond hair as babies, so I guess Ashlyn probably will, too. It'll be quite a different story from Eve. I got so used to seeing Eve's dark complexion and hair as a baby that lighter babies looked weird to me, so I wonder if Ashlyn will look weird until I get used to her.

The Good of Life

So, I'm sure you've all realized by now that if you don't hear from me on here, it's good news. I really hate that actually. I always feel like such a downer. Just like the crucifix.

Anyway, today, I'm not in a bad way, actually. I just figured that it's been a while and I oughta write something to let those of you I don't talk to a ton know that I'm alive and well.

I don't know....not much to report. We've been homeschooling Eve-Marie, which is going swimmingly (whatever that means...does anyone actually know where the Brits came up with that one, anyway?). But the point...it's good. She's doing well on all her addition tables, up to 9+9. And we're starting the concept of subtraction today, actually. In history, which according to Eve is the best subject after science, we're learning about Ancient Egyptians. It's cool.

Anyway, Billy's at work now. And Eve's in the bath, so it was either mess around online or clean up around the house. Hmmm...tough call there, huh?

Actually, the house isn't TOO bad, and I'm probably more concerned about getting the urine-soaked Lucy into the bath. I don't know when she'll stop peeing in her cage. It's really quite gross.

Ashlyn's growing like crazy, meaning that my stomach is getting huge. I'm trying hard to not eat too much sugar, but I'm failing miserably. Ashlyn's room is almost ready for her. We still have to try to get the piano moved out of there, but the walls are painted and I have most of her clothes sorted and put away. I think we have almost everything large that we need for her also.

Well, I should go be responsible, I suppose.

Thanks for reading.

A Weekend to Remember

Who ever knew that Mondays could be so amazing. But when they follow the most incredible weekend with the man of my dreams, how could Monday be anything but amazing?

It all started on Friday night, when we had mixed feelings on the session called "Five Threats to Your Marriage." We were thrilled because we haven't experienced the pain and resentment that so many couples experience. We felt blessed because we have tools to begin our marriage well, so we don't have the years of hurt to overcome. But we were heartbroken for those who HAVE been in such pain.

Saturday and Sunday's sessions continued to inspire us and encourage us. We found more and more oneness as we talked about the lessons and found action points to take home with us.

It's hard to actually verbalize the feeling that were aroused between us. I don't say "reignited" because it wasn't as though we had lost anything and are regaining it. It is more that we continue to be blessed with connectedness of deeper and deeper levels.

One of the things that we are eager to pursue together is a "Homebuilder" some group, which focuses on building marriages and families. We want our marriage to bless and glorify God, but we don't want to be selfish about it in the process, and we want to see others restored and renewed to see thier marriages bless God and themselves, too.

A lot of people who read this are out of town, but if anyone in town is interested, or has some friends who may be interested, please drop me a comment or an e-mail and let me know. The sooner we get going, the sooner it will start redeeming marriage for God. Of course, if you CAN'T make it cause you know, you live in Chicago or something, then your prayers are much appreciated.

God Bless.

A Scholar's Parrot May Talk Greek

Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty fake. I recently joined a Bible study, in hopes of becoming real again, but I find that this study seems only to be a course in what I’ve learned all my life, and what—right now, anyway—isn’t moving me. I realize again and again that this life in the church has taught me much about the language of religion, and I can repeat what I’ve heard without it really meaning a thing to me.

And I’m miserable.

So, I return to something simpler—something less analytical than the differences between justification, atonement, and redemption; something that will mean something to me and the world. And here I find again what never ceases to confound me.

“It is the kindness of God that leads us to repentance.” But where is this kindness found? How can my heart search earnestly in a world of unfairness and a place where serving God only hurts more and more everyday? Somehow, I know it’s not supposed to be like this.

I read a chapter in Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, which quickly became my favorite book a little over a year ago. It’s called “Problems: What I Learned On Television.” It speaks to the problems of the world…the ones we see on the news that help us feel safe and secure in the Good Ole USA. It’s depressing, though, because these problems are a reflection of who we really are…and who we would find ourselves to be if we weren’t so fortunate to live under the authority of a government that cares.

People talk about needing brokenness, and this confounds me, too. How can anyone say they need to be broken before God when all we are is broken? All we have is dysfunction. All we do is useless. I pray for less and less brokenness, in my own heart and the world. Still, I wonder what I do to obtain it. I am constantly fighting God. I ask for a heart that loves him above all else—namely, myself. But in this request is a testing to see how powerful God really is. After all, I’m doing nothing to encourage this heart. I am only fighting it. Still, I feel the spirit of hope return. And it is comforting to know that the kindness of God surpasses the rebellion inside of me.

So, with this hope I return to the true matter of the problems of this world. I return to acknowledging that my heart is black, and I am among the people—the everyone—that Paul refers to in Romans when he reminds us that there is no one who is righteous or seeks after God. And I return to letting God put this broken pot back together.

Unfatigue in the Midst of the Tired Heart

So, here...I love it when this happens. It's such a lovely time when I wanted to sleep freaking 4 hours ago but a loud, stupid, long sci-fi movie kept me up. And so here I am, unable to sleep for anything while I'm sure the culprit snoozes away...or at least lies awake in the bed waiting for me to not arrive.

I feel like I'm supposed to be happy here. But all I feel is frustration from the mixed messages that I get and the mind-changing and the lack of attachment and the intense desire for something familiar. And I see the coming reality as a trap. And I feel guilty for it.

So, I hope that this child is easier, but then again I'm so tired of not being believed that I almost hope it's not...so someone else can get their fair share before they tell me again that I've created a memory that doesn't exist in reality. And then that frustration of reading books that never give answers can be theirs to enjoy and wallow in, as it was mine 6 years ago.

But for now, I stay awake and hear the music on the radio that I wanted to make too loud on purpose, but I'm above that, I guess. Perhaps one of the few things. It's depressing music, anyway. A tortured soundtrack. And quite fitting for the moment.

IT'S A GIRL!!!

And I am very thrilled, as is Eve-Marie. When I told her that she has a sister, she said, "My wish came true!!!" (Yes, it was with three exclamation points.)

Next comes the room preparation and name choosing. And just so everyone knows.... Billy and I will name our kid whatever the heck we want regardless of opinions of family and friends.

January 21-28 is the approximate due week.

Photo to come soon...or at least eventually.

Fun Times on Arches Drive

So, today, we woke up to a bleeding dog. One who also happened to take a nice-sized crap in her cage last night. But you can't really blame the poor thing cause she just got spayed on Friday, and she's not in the best way right about now.

Anyway, she was bleeding from her incision since she kept trying to gnaw the stitches out of her tummy. I had to take her to the vet for an antibiotic and a cone collar. (See images below. HAAA!!!)

Anyway, just tonight I look over at her as Billy's tucking Eve-Marie in and she has this cone stuck in her mouth on one side and over her head on the other. Too funny. I wish I'd gotten a picture of that, but I figure you guys can't take anymore laughing today anyway.

BTW, you should see her try to eat!

Success

So, today, we had our first day of homeschooling. For those of you who didn't know already, Billy and I decided for various reasons...none of which I feel like posting online...to start that up and withdraw her from her school. Anyway, Eve was a bit apprehensive, as I guess I was also. I was excited as all get-out to start up once I saw the curriculum that came on Friday, but I was a little unsure as to how Eve-Marie would respond to my instruction. I mean, sure I taught her everything she knows to date, but to be her actual teacher was a different story.

So, we began the day with a little handwriting practice right after breakfast. We continued after taking Billy to work by learning about Martin Luther, the water cycle, capitalization, and compound words. We also had some review in math of number order and practice drawing numbers 1-9 and then some practice with reading.

I'm so psyched to continue because Eve-Marie really responded well. And I got my house cleaned, too, which is something that's hard to accomplish when I have to spend 3 hours in Evansville while she's in school.

So, yes...a good time was had by, uh, both.

I hate Americans

I'm not sure anyone ever looks at this anymore since I've lagged so completely on updating recently.

I've been struck the last couple of days, today perhaps the hardest, about how much I hate living in America sometimes. I know, I know. I should count my blessings that I live in a country where I can openly criticize and such. But I don't know...something about the land of the credit cards and home of the materialistic doesn't seem so appealing to me.

I hate walking into a store to see all the abundance that everyone has and wants more of. I'm tired of seeing women smaller than me driving an SUV the size of a motor home in order to tote around all of ONE 6-month old child. I mean...if you have a large family and need the room, that's one thing. But if you just have excess money to throw around on luxery and 12 miles to the gallon, then have a heart and think about a Jamaican once in a while.

I hate how these "Christians" all around don't look much like a "peculiar people." I'm sick of how they fit in.

And I'm sick of how I fall right into it. And I wonder if it's a bad thing to feel guilty for buying new maternity clothes when I checked the consignment store first, but found they had no shorts or t-shirts. I don't think it's a bad thing. Rather, I think it's a bad thing to buy stuff and never wonder if you really need it.

So, the son of man had no where to lay his head, but we are so comfortable with our homes that we never leave them to serve. I'm so tired of living in my mid-west America, middle class neighborhood where we care about how green the lawn is and my neighbors have a new car every 6 months. (I swear it's like clockwork.)

I read a book called The Last of Her Kind this week. It was...okay. It passed the time, you know. It was a little bit boring...didn't have much of a plot, but it made me envious. Despite the drugs and free sex that I could do without, I was jealous of the nomadic life they lived...or some of them did anyway. Maybe it was romanticized...probably it was. But I wish for once I could live up to my principles.

Tucking In

So, here I get a chance to sit down and write a little bit about my life. I guess there's just not a lot of stuff to write about lately. Today, though, was cool. We went to my first official OB appointment. Here we got to actually hear the heartbeat, which was cool. I think the coolest thing about it was seeing Billy's facial expression as he sat in awe.

After that, a quick run to Wal-mart proved interesting also. (As a side note, can someone please tell me why the heck our power went out last night but stayed on ALL DAY today?) So, yeah...we're all ready to check out, and the sky looks like night. It was like 3:00 pm. The rain is pounding so hard on the roof of Wal-mart that I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if the roof caved in. But it didn't. So, Billy, being the gentleman that he is, decided to go get the car and pull it up. So, I pay for our stuff (hey! was he really being a gentleman after all!) and go look for him at the door. Poor guy. Completely soaked. I think the car seat is still sopping from him sitting in it all the way home.

So, yes...interesting, huh?

Out of Touch

Man! Broken computers = super huge inconvenience and a ever-shrinking world around me.

Sorry that it's been forever since I had anything of substance up here. Billy's computer was down for a while, and I've also been sick with the pregnancy lately, too.

Tomorrow, I go for another ultrasound, so we're excited about that. We won't know yet what the sex is; that comes around month 4. But it'll be cool to see how much the baby's grown in the meantime.

God's blessed us with all kinds of cool provision--from health care costs to crib accessories to car seats. It's awesome to see how He comes through on his promise to give everything we need (Phil. 4:19).

Church has been, uh, interesting. Our senior pastor has taken a call to a church in Muncie, so we'll see what happens here in the next few (or several!) months to fill that position at our church. Billy's been connecting in great ways with the youth and recently taught a group of them about worship and leading worship. He's been really excited about that.

I don't know...there's not too much else going on, I guess. I've just been sick a lot, so any of you who pray...your prayers would be much appreciated. I don't actually mind being sick because it's a good excuse to sit around and watch movies, but ultimately, I have a bunch of stuff to do around the house, and it's obviously not getting done, so I feel like a loser about that.

Anyway, yeah... I guess I'm out.

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Never Ceasing to Amaze

Some crazy things that make me wonder what the heck's wrong with people....

Avril Lavigne mastercards

Jesus statues

And more Jesus statues

Yes, I do classify these in the same category. And what the freak! Why's this stupid underlining happening?

Bored out of my mind....

Not that I have much of one to be bored out of. I get the lovely task of sitting in the kitchen watching the dog not pee on the floor. That's actually good news....considering how much she peed on the floor for the first 2 weeks we had her.

But now, by default, I get to sit here and not do laundry (which...no actually, I really WOULD rather do laundry) and not take a nap, and not do all these other things that I want to do because having a puppy is very inconvenient. She's cute...but inconvenient.

And it's gotten freakin hot here. What ever happened to spring anyway? I swear 3 weeks ago, I was all wearing a parka, and now, I'm sweating even with the air conditioning on.

And I'm obviously in a whiny mood, on top of all that.

But I'm excited because Trish is coming into town this weekend, and I get to hang out with her for a little while. They won't be here for very long, but at least I'll get to see her for a time. I miss her.

We started our small group on Tuesday, which totally RAWKED. It was very cool. We had a couple other people and some that ended up not being able to come due to sickness and other "stuff." But it didn't really matter that it was small because...uh...it's called a "small group" after all.

And now I'm just ramblin, cause I'm freakin bored out of my mind.

Summer Time...when the living's easy

Man...things have been awesome lately, which is probably why I haven't updated in a while. It's harder to remember to keep you posted so much as it's easy to need to journal when I'm feeling down. But lately, things have been really cool.

Billy and I are happily continuing the task of becoming one, and it's been amazing. One of the things that we've been doing...kinda inadvertantly...is reading books and talking about them. We started this with a book called The Search to Belong, by Joseph Myers. It's an interesting read and has been contiunally causing some good discussion between us, and broadening our view of ministry when we learn a new point, or often reinforcing our view of ministry when we find something that we don't agree with the author on.

So, anyway, one of the kewlest things about our relationship, which I guess is present in lots of relationships, I don't know...is that we just have all these interests that are similar, and it seems like when one of us finds something exciting, the other is eager to know about it too. Not always is this true, cause there are definately times when I'm too busy being jealous of how cool and talented Billy is to appreciate that we have a similar interest. But other times, it's just really fun in perhaps an incredibly mundane way to sit and watch him fix a photo or even just to be trimming bushes while he's mowing the lawn. It's like even though we're working on our own thing and not talking to each other, we're still working together on the overall project.

I don't know. I type this out, and it's kinda like...duh...but somehow it's still Romantic to me.

I am so in love with Billy Chia it's insane.

Why...

So, today was the last day of school for me for the semester, and I had a really good day. I had good conferences, with the exception of the girl who told me that I was an annoying teacher. And I don't know why I'm thinking about that now, but it's just because it's so much easier to remember the bad things that I hear than to make up good things.

So, I should be happy, right, cause I've been looking forward to this day for like...months. I'm free. Summertime comes, and I have things I want to accomplish. And I have time to accomplish them. But I'm not happy.

I'm not happy because I have this insane disease called no self esteem. And it's topped by feeling forsaken and un-listened to. And fighting to restore is not sounding very appealing lately. Because I'm well aware of my weaknesses, and I could use a little power of God sometime soon.

Days like these....

Days like today are weird...and I'm kinda getting tired of them. I woke to find the fight was strong and in my face this morning. And I remember that someone told me to capture my thoughts and to "think of what's lovely." And I wonder how the hell you even do that, anyway. (and no, Pete...since I know you're reading this...I don't swear now. Just sometimes when I type it just comes out.)

Like...things are good today, and much better than a week ago today. But it's really getting annoying that my standards are ridiculously high and that my esteem is just as low. But see, there I go not thinking of the lovely things.

Here's the lovely thought for today: Eve-Marie is amazing. I love to lie with her at night and talk to her, finding out what her dreams are and what her wonderings may be. Tonight, she was curious about how everything is made. And for a time, she lay on my chest and it felt good to hold her close. It reminds me of her days as a baby, and it's hard to believe that she's growing. And I wonder now what she'll be like when she's a teenager, and I already began to miss the holding close that will surely slowly vanish as she ages. But this is about the lovely.

Here's another lovely thought: I have but 2 weeks of school left!

Later