So, here...I love it when this happens. It's such a lovely time when I wanted to sleep freaking 4 hours ago but a loud, stupid, long sci-fi movie kept me up. And so here I am, unable to sleep for anything while I'm sure the culprit snoozes away...or at least lies awake in the bed waiting for me to not arrive.
I feel like I'm supposed to be happy here. But all I feel is frustration from the mixed messages that I get and the mind-changing and the lack of attachment and the intense desire for something familiar. And I see the coming reality as a trap. And I feel guilty for it.
So, I hope that this child is easier, but then again I'm so tired of not being believed that I almost hope it's not...so someone else can get their fair share before they tell me again that I've created a memory that doesn't exist in reality. And then that frustration of reading books that never give answers can be theirs to enjoy and wallow in, as it was mine 6 years ago.
But for now, I stay awake and hear the music on the radio that I wanted to make too loud on purpose, but I'm above that, I guess. Perhaps one of the few things. It's depressing music, anyway. A tortured soundtrack. And quite fitting for the moment.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Yipes. Was there a tiff? Making up is such sweet work. :) I feel you, girl. It gets easier. Just remember two things: honesty, and OPEN communication, and not setting expectations (or possessing expectations which are) too high. Just be real. And you are real. So I know you'll be real. FOR real.
ReplyDelete