The Way Things Should Be

So, don't excommunicate me for turning green on you, but I actually started subscribing to treehugger's feed, and while a lot of their stuff is WAY too out there for me, I found this posting on Christian environmentalists to be pretty cool (Be sure to follow the link through to the Christianity Today article). Billy and I went to a marriage class recently, and the guy teaching it used his platform to insist that Christians should be leading the way with environmental protection.

Typically, environmentalists are painted by Christians to be nature-worshiping heathens. They care about the earth because they are scared of death and they grasp so tightly to this huge rock because it's all they think we have. Well, no, it's not all we have, but shouldn't we take care of it anyway? Perhaps we can't believe in both Revelation and the depletion of our resources, but does that mean that we should trash it with our obscene SUV emissions? Or worse yet, does that mean that we need to alienate ourselves from yet another segment of the population?

Think about this quote from the post and the Christianity Today article: "I grew up thinking: 'environment, liberal, bad.' "

First of all, is that really how Christians should view the earth? Shouldn't we be thinking, "Environment, Gift of God, Respect it"?

But worse, to me, are the implications of the relationship fracture that this quote points to. How many Christians think this way? And how many "bad environmental liberals" think something similar? Something like, "Christian, selfish, bad." Does God want us to look like the rest of the world driving SUVs and consuming, consuming, consuming; or does He want us to be a good example, being healthy stewards of both our money AND our resources?

So, anyway, I'm not saying that we have to fall in the spectrum of Sheryl Crow and other hypocrite liberals, but I do think that the real, everyday environmentalists, like this green blogger, are often doing a better job at being a peculiar people than we are.

Officially Sold Out

Alright....I can't resist it anymore. My darn kids are too cute and I just want all the world to see, so I've sold out and started a You Tube account. Here's my first video.

Getting Buff

Oh, my freakin gosh! My right bicep hurts so bad. I started to try carrying Ashlyn on my left arm today cause my right arm gets all the exercise. And it's getting tired. But the cool part is that very soon, I'll be the girl version of this:



SEXY!!!!

Giving Up

On the other hand (see post entitled "Letting Go"), it feels great to come home from a walk without a dog and to not see said dog being chained up in the backyard ignored.

Letting Go

So...wow. Here I am. I left my house about 1/2 an hour ago with two little girls in tow. I returned missing one. We took a lengthy stroll around the neighborhood, since that's the only fresh air or exercise I ever get (note to self: go get dirty in the garden tomorrow). As we reached the home stretch, a group of kids were assembled in the backyard of the corner house. They were racing, and laughing, and arguing over the winners. It was childhood in all its glory. And Eve-Marie just watched with longing. In a step of faith, I asked if she wanted to stay and play. After introducing myself to the resident parent of the home, I walked home in worry, looking forward to the end of the half hour that I told her she could stay. So, I wait. Only 10 minutes has gone by. I'm sure this will be the longest 1/2 hour of my life...as I wait until I get to retrieve my little one and see with my own eyes that she can, in fact, withstand time away from me with other little kids down the street where I can't supervise. Or a better analysis would be that I can see with my own eyes that I can withstand that time. Someday, I'm sure, I'll send her out to play and be relieved to have some time of peace in the home. But for now...it's only a source of nerves. And I anxiously await 7:15.

My Main Squeeze

Billy Chia dot com is back up and running. Add his blog to your subscriptions cause this man's got some good stuff to say.

Why I Want Hybrid

Now, if you know me, which I think everyone who reads this does...cause I'm pretty sure that's only like 3 people...(Thanks to my faithful friends.), then you know that when I drive down the aisle of a parking lot, I pretty much wanna puke when I see the over-priced, waste of space vehicles that take up more spaces than they really warrant.

But yesterday, I saw a commercial that made me want to spend ungodly amounts of money of a vehicle. (Actually, they start at just $23,000. Just $23,000.) Check it out below.



There's a longer version on Saturn's homepage. It adds to the "Rethink Bling" that I love with a great "Rethink Beauty" segment. Check it out. Then go buy a hybrid.

Nauseated

Have you ever had this I'm-so-tired-I-feel-like-puking feeling before? The headache accompanies it, and the last thing you really want to do is type a blog post, but alas... when you can't actually enter into the sleep that you need, what else is there to do at 3:15?

It only makes it worse to hear my beloved breathing deeply.

I really hate my house sometimes. It used to be a sanctuary. Now it is a claustrophobia-inducing cage. There's nowhere I can go to get away, and to be alone.

I've felt a lot of anxiety lately. I'm not sure that's the right word, but I don't know that there's another one to describe it. There's this tension in my chest with all the negativity attached. There's a worry about what it really takes to get to heaven. And what it really means to trust in Christ's blood.

And there's a pain when I want to go watch Eve sleep because it's the only time I'll get to be with her alone. And it hurts more when he doesn't understand that.

And if anyone thinks that love is suppossed to feel wonderful, they need to think again. I wish right now that I had believed Paul.

Sorry the all the depressing thoughts. I wish I could sit down and write with some hope. All I see before me is strife and fear and lonliness. But on one hopeful note, my friend Kara told me that once the baby stage is over, I'll remember how to live again.

Cycle of Boredom

So, there's all kinds of stuff I should be doing...unloading the dishwasher, ironing shirts, folding clothes, caring about life...

But, alas...I have no energy for any of it. In truth, I'd actually LOVE to be doing any of it. But my sleep is all screwed up lately. I'm so tired from being up in the middle of the night for 3 1/2 hours, and then of course, having to wake up with the kids this morning. Ashlyn's doing really well with sleeping, but my sleep cycle is off, and that's killing me.

So, I'm sitting here bored, but unable to really do much else.

Sleepless

I hate nights like this. It's 2:30, and I've been awake for well over an hour. The girls were tucked away by 8:30, and I was feeling worn down. So, I brought the dog in and headed off to my own little dreamland. But by 1:00, I was awake. So, here I sit waiting for morning to come, dreading the daytime...knowing that I'll be tired.

I'm not sure what it is...I guess just having those 5 hours of sleep gave me enough rest to make it hard to get any more. I mean, there's nothing on my mind that's keeping me awake. At least, not that I know of, but I figured I'd sit down here and write, and maybe something will surface.

Last night was pretty cool. I went to church with my parents for something to do. I know that's a bad reason to go to church, but sometimes on Saturdays I do that. Billy works and it gets lonely staying at home all day and night. So, I change up the scenery a bit and head out to CFC. But last night, as I dropped Eve off at Sunday school, I found out that there was no one in the prayer room, so I headed over there instead of into the service. I think I'll do that more often.

I was on a forum a couple weeks ago where we were talking about fat Christians. That's not what I want to be. So, it felt right and good to not go into the service, but to go and pray. It felt good and right to serve. It mainly felt good and right to talk to God again.

It's been a while since I actually had a prayer time. I'll say a few lines here and there throughout the day, and of course, I pray with Eve at bedtime. Sometimes, Billy prays with us before he goes to work. But those times are short, and they aren't the communion with God that I need on my own.

I used to have this insane prayer life...like I would wake up early and have coffee and God for breakfast. I had to set a timer so that I could actually start getting ready for work and make it out the door on time. I would lose track, and all of a sudden the hour was over. Somewhere in the last year, that stopped. I don't know what it was really... the sudden busyness of being married...the naseau of pregnancy making it hard to concentrate...the lack of God at the church I used to attend... I don't know. But somewhere along the line, I can remember struggling to get out a prayer and then eventually just eliminating that sacred time from my day. It wasn't a conscious thing. I mean, I didn't just decide I wasn't going to pray anymore. There was just some kind of distance and I just wasn't feeling it. And the less I prayed, the less I felt it.

So, I don't know. It feels good to have that desire back tonight, and I hope that it sticks around. I had a sneaking suspicion that if I would just do something to serve God and his people that I would have a desire for more. So, yeah...now I have a desire to commune with him again. I don't know the practical application of that. How do you find a solid length of time with a 2-month-old and a homeschooled kindergartener? I don't know. But I know that I want to. And I know that Saturday nights will hold something more than me soaking up all the feeding I can get. They'll be a release of that, and I'll pour out for once. I know that's the right thing for me to do. And I'm eager to do it again.

This is Who I Am

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Just for Jenn

Things are good. I'm getting into a bit of a routine for now. That's all subject to change based on the whims of my baby.

Let's see... the anniversary was amazing. It think it was a really good exercise in coming together for me and Billy. We had some good talking and some nice heart connecting. Of course, there was also the top of the cake and some nice wine. Our room had a hot tub, and we definitely took advantage of that. And then, no anniversary is complete without watching The Apprentice.

So...I don't really know what else to say.....

I'm not in the mood to blog right now...kinda in the middle of school with Eve, so that makes it hard.

Gotta go!

A Song for the Screw-Up

Love covers over us
Erases the sin
Eliminates our weaknesses
Removes from us the pain

And this love is divine
Yet I feel it in your touch.
And when you're close,
I believe in God.

Love covers over us
When we've given up
When we've failed to know what to do.
It's still the only truth.

And this love is beyond
All the feelings I have found.
And it keeps me here
When I'd rather go.

But I'm sorry when my words
And everything I am
Is nothing that you deserve
And I'm sorry I forget about your love.

For your love is divine
And I cannot measure up.
Yet you stay with me,
And you show me God.

Feelin' It

So, this baby thing is definitely different this time around. I don't know how to explain all that plays into that. Some of it is awesome, like the fact that I actually like the man that partnered with me to create this child. He doesn't cause me the angst that the other one did. I don't have all the pre-occupation with my negative emotions clouding my days and affecting my parenting. I feel like I have more to offer Ashlyn because I have an amazing relationship with her father.

I don't feel as overwhelmed, either. I feel like I know what I'm doing this time, and I don't have to keep asking how to manage the mothering part of it.

But I also feel that isolation of stay-at-home moms. I didn't get this the first time around because I lived with my parents and my mom worked from home, so I was around adults all the time. But I heard mothers make comments about how hard it can be to be around children all day and to lack the adult conversation. It is hard.

Today, two of my good friends came by at different time for an hour or so each. It was awesome to see Trish and the girls again, and to have some time with Amanda and Wes. But now, I'm back to being here with Ashlyn, and I'm realizing that even that time together with friends doesn't seem to speak to the need that I have.

I wonder if I'm just overly needy...maybe it's something that I need to get over. Anyway, it's something that feel now, regardless of whether it's my own problem.

I think that part of it is that I don't really have any regular kind of socializing. Like it seems I just spent today "catching up" with old friends. Somehow, it's not the same as hanging out.

The Break-Up

This is a phenomenal movie. Vince Vaughn is a genius.

All men should go watch this movie immediately. They might actually get a clue. But they should beware cause it might give their women some ideas.

The Precious Angel

Just 2 days old

Knowing Happiness

Ashlyn and I are home tonight while Billy works and Eve-Marie tumbles in the gymnastics arena. And I have the opportunity to marvel at the gift of life. And the gift of happiness.

2 years ago, if anyone had asked me, I would have told them that I was happy...because I was. Eve and I were established in our home, I had a new job that I was loving, and I felt beyond content with the progress of my success both at home and work. My faith was stronger than ever before because of the previous summer's trial of losing my old job and seeing God provide.

Then Billy came along. On March 11, 2006, we married, and I realized that I had been happy before, but this happy that I was then feeling was an amazing new happy that I hadn't yet known. Billy didn't "complete" me. God had done that already. But Billy added this new dimension of love to my life. And with that came a new dimension of happiness.

So, here comes this other new life, and I wonder now how we existed before Ashlyn was here. Perfectly happily, but somehow now that she's here, I know that there's more happiness to be had. And she brought it to us.

I know I'll never capture the feelings that I feel for this newest creature and the effect she has on our whole family. But happy is the only word for it.

Any opinions?

So, I'm taking an informal, unscientific poll. Leave me a comment and tell me what you think the following passage from Scripture is saying.

Philippians 2:12-14 (New International Version)

New International Version (NIV)

Shining as Stars

12Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.


THANKS!

Relief

So, here it is... Eve's in bed. Billy's at work. Lucy's causing trouble in the living room, and I sit here with not much to do. And I am eternally indebted to my good friends Amanda, Mary, Greg and Gabrielle. They are completely awesome because I've had so many things to do between holidays and Ashlyn's birth, and cleaning my house seems like such a chore with this large lump sticking out of my stomach. It's hard just to dust a room, not to mention vacuum, mop, and lean over the tub to scrub it down. So, last night, while Billy and I went out to celebrate his 28th, they stopped by our house to treat us to a good thorough cleaning. I walked in feeling wonderful, and as I sit here now, I'm still feeling refreshed by their gesture. It's just nice to not have anything that needs to be done right now. I haven't felt this kind of relief for several weeks.

So, thank you!

Provisional Blessings

So, anyone who knows me knows abouot the impending arrival. I'm not sure you all know that the date has been most likely moved up. Due to complications in Eve-Marie's delivery, this pregnancy is considered "high risk" so they will likely be inducing me sometime in the next week and a half or so. I'm excited, although I'd really like to go into natural labor. (Please pray with us for that!)

Anyway, things have been hectic around here lately trying to prepare. I had all my good intentions of getting things ready before Christmas so I could settle down and enjoy the holiday without the added stress of lingering "to-do" items. Somehow, I pushed all those to-do's out of my mind during the last couple weeks and had a GREAT holiday. But now, I'm paying the price, darn it!

Still, it's hard to feel upset about it because God has been so good to us throughout this pregnancy. I wish I had some kind of tally of how much he's showered on us...as far as price...like as in how much money he's saved us just because he's so cool.

First and most expensive is the medical coverage that he provided to us. We qualified for some aid that allowed 100% of my medical bills and Ashlyn's first year of medical bills to be covered. This is a continuing blessing as we don't have to add her to our pathetic insurance policy for a nice $40 a month.

So, let's see..

Medical coverage: $10,000

Beyond that, the only things that I've actually spent money on so far are painting supplies for the room. We had friends give us some used large ticket items, such as...

Swing: $90
Changing Table: $150
Playpen/Bassinet: $130
1st year wardrobe: $300
Walker: $45
Crib Set (blanket, lamp, valance, crib skirt): $150

Friends also showered me with presents last night at my shower, which was awesome. We got great practical things like a changing table pad and plug protectors. We also got some fun stuff like LOTS of socks, some outfits, and lotions. Billy's family also sent some things at Christmas for Ashlyn, things like sleepers, bath supplies, and the like.

Shower gifts combined: $500

The rest of what I have has come from the Evansville Christian Life Center. They have a program called "Love for Life" that gives Baby Buck to expectant mothers upon completion of classes, homework and doctor's visits. I worked hard at accomplishing a lot there, and I was able to get lots of things, like...

Baby Carrier: $90
Transitional Carseat:$100
2 Bouncers: $60
New Breast Pump: $35
Play Gym: $50
Diapers: $75
Tons of Linens, such as blankets, washcloths, burp cloths, sleepers, onesies: $I have no idea.

The point is this: Paul says if you're gonna boast, boast in Christ. God has provided in amazing ways for us in the last nine months, and I detail all of this to encourage anyone else to know that God's bank doesn't have a limit. He owns the universe, and He can supply all our needs. Praise God that he does it!