New Countdown

NEW COUNTDOWN: 4 down. ZERO to go. (48.5 hrs and counting)

The New Countdown

Three down. One to go.

(You will find what you need in the winter of my published mind.)

Note to Self

A crappy day can always be remedied by a new pair of Vans. My mom totally rox the casbah.

Birthday Wishes

Today has been good. Eve's birthday party was today, and it was quite successful. I have to say that I definately manipulated that by telling her that she was only allowed to invite 5 kids and I... ahem... "encouraged" her with her choice of friend. So, we had a totally mellow party. It rocked for me. At the end, I let the kids run around outside and do whatever they wanted out there. We played some rawkin' games like Slam Dunk contest and a soccer penalty kick game. Then outside after the cake, we played soccer tag, which your truly invented all by myself on the spot. The kids kinda lost interest, but seriously, if anyone ever wants to play it with me...I'm all over that.

So, it was cool doing something just for Eve-Marie and seeing her have a good time with her friends. Sometimes, it's hard to make her the center of my world. So, I was super happy that she was happy today and that she felt special with her punk rawk cake and ice cream. (Yes, I did take pictures.) I'm just happy that she's alive, and for her birthday, I wish her wisdom for life, joy in her heart and an eternal appreciation for good music. Amen.

New Countdown

2 down. 2 to go.

Poignancy of Sixpence

"I wish to quote from Whitman now to show the way I feel about you. Cause it's a 'subtle electric fire' you light in me everytime I see you, so let's dance again in this field of flowers we're in."

"I guess you could say I'm a little afraid. What if you go away?"

"And I'll admit that I do not try when it's easier to sit down and cry. I'm so full of doubt--wanna let it out, let it out all over you."

"Is it all inside my head? Is it all inside my head? I view the list and take my pick. I view my fate and make the choice cause it's nobody else's but mine."

"Don't worry about tomorrow. He's got it under control. Just trust in the Lord with all your heart and He will carry you through."

"But tension is to be loved when it is like a passing note to a beautiful, beautiful chord."

The New Countdown

One down. Three to go.

School Rules

School is now in session! Woo-hoo. No, seriously. It's awesome. But this is coming from me, a teacher, and I think that things definately look different from my side of the podium than from the students.

Regardless, today has been really, really good so far. It's been fun to see who's in my classes and to try to help them feel unintimidated by the oh so scary process of writing. It is a really intimidating thing for a lot of people to be critiqued on their communication methods, so I think one of my biggest obstacles as a teacher is to help them realize that they really can do what they have set out to do.

But yeah...school is cool. Stay in school.

Here's something I overheard a co-worker of mine saying: Life is just a chair of bullies. I haven't decided yet if that's funny or lame.

So, today...slept in late cause Eve and I were up for an hour last night when she had bloody noses. Poor little thing. I feel so bad for her. She's such a sweet heart, though. Like she came up and knocked on my door in the middle of the night and was all, "Mom, I think my nose is bleeding." I could barely even hear here since I was unconscious at the time, and she didn't even raise her voice.

But then, we went to Trish's and helped her get some things done around the house so that it can sell more easily. I hope it doesn't, though. hahah. Well, I know that it's important for them to move. I just know that I'll miss her and her family like crazy. But somehow, Mary and I will take a road trip up there, definately. So, yeah...just fun things to do like washing walls and scraping up caulking and then experimenting with new caulk and making fun of ourselves all the while. Good times had by all, and great lunch, too.

After, I got home, I worked out and then rewarded myself with watching the Billy Chia DVD. Well, the first couple of songs anyway. I figured this was a better reward than, say, a yummy ice cream something or other, which was definately sounding good in the hot weather. But I'm a typical American in that I think everything I do should be rewarded, so in order to motivate myself to workout, I figured I wouldn't let myself watch Billy's DVD unless I work out on my scheduled day. So far, it seems to be working.

Then, I mowed the lawn, which was probably unwise for my health's sake, cause it was hot and my muscles are totaly overworked now, but I wanted to be able to take tomorrow for a Sabbath, and my lawn was getting to that "white trash" stage, so it had to be done today.

And this is my exciting life.

I've been thinking a lot about fears and relationships and friendships and eternity and PMS and the very appealing past. I forget the hurtful past, except for how it translates into fear for the present.

Things are kinda crappy here right now (and by here, I mean only in my own attitude), but I won't go into for fear of working into a super bad mood.

Feelin' Good

Man! It feels really good to actually get stuff done for a change. All summer's been super cool cause I've become an expert at being lazy. It's not been super cool cause I've been down on myself about not doing anything. Today, though, was good. I worked and worked and got together with a friend whom I haven't seen in a long time, and I worked some more. Then, I listened to my phone messages and had a friend call asking if I wanted a job. So, we'll see. It should be pretty nice to have a schedule again.

School starts next week, and I'm getting pretty psyched. The first coupla weeks are a breeze cause it's just some laid back reviewing going on. The hardest part, I guess, is convincing the students that they really should answer my questions...outloud. But after a fun ice breaker (no, really...they do exist...), we get talking and all's well.

Awesome. I want to take a trip to Chicago this weekend, but then I remember that gas is like a million bucks a gallon. Well, it's close. Let's see...it's nearly $2.50, so that'd be $150 in Jamaican money. Yeah... I feel pretty cool having a $100 bill sitting around my house from my trip. Too bad it would barely buy a pack of gun. Anyway, during my quiet time today, I told God that I'd try really super hard to break my habit of buying things that I really shouldn't. Not so much things that I can't afford, cause I don't really do that anyway. But just things that I shouldn't buy. Things that aren't necessary, at least until I see how this school year's finances are going and stuff. So, blech... the step to rock stardom will have to wait (sorry, Jenn...but I will totally come up sometime. I'll just have to wait until I actually save money for the gas).

Yeah.

When the Weather Gets Better...

So, today, I wore jeans! First time in months. It felt really, really good to have my legs covered.

Ode to Two Dead Hamsters

I found you in your plastic home,
As I came back to mine.
This was where you romped around
And slept away your time.
This is where the flies hung out
When I forgot to clean your cage.
And this is where we sometimes watched
The passing of your days.
You looked so peaceful as I passed.
I thought you were just sleeping.
But then a closer, chilling look
Told me you were not breathing.
So I broke down to tell the child
Of your eternal end.
She did not weep; she did not find
The news to be a burden.
Still hearts wore hard as I dug your grave.
The act was paralyzing.
But I can see the cycle of life,
For now you're fertilizing.

++Please take a moment of silence for the bravest and most ill-treated hamsters in America, Butterscotch and Feisty Fudge. They were annoying to feed and smelly to keep in the house, yet who would have ever wished such a death on them? We are just so glad that they died at, presumably, the exact same time, so neither of them faced the grief of losing the other. It's hard to accept this loss of life, but we know they are in a better, more convenient place. Thank you for all your flowers, cards, prayers, love and support to our family in this difficult time. May you each experience the community that you've showed to us. Buddha bless you.++

Totally Quotable

"Without understanding Grace, Christianity just looks like a bunch of rules and religion and a pain in the neck." --Pastor David Niednagel, Christian Fellowship Church, Evansville, IN

I'm so techno-saavy

So, it's all fixed. Anyone can now post comments on my blog (theoretically).

On the downside, everytime I look at it, it just shows 0 comments, even on the post that now has 3 comments. So, sorry, Beth, that I didn't know you wrote to me. (Thanks, though, cause I totally want to hear from you girls!) I set up my blog to send me an e-mail now whenever someone comments.

You'll just hafta excuse my internet illiteracy. I'm just a Romantic, and I'd rather use a typewriter in candlelight. But I live in the 21st century, so I'm cursed to have electricity. ;)

I've also put up a bunch of pix from Jamaica and from Billy's visit. So, check those out, cause they're awesome...

My Cutiepie

The hottie himself

Me and Billy

Flee to Something Deeper

There's a risk in life that you might find purpose, and I think that this risk scares me. But it's a fear like the kind that maybe comes when someone approaches a skydive looking for an adrenaline rush.

My visit with Billy was amazing. It was just cool to see him laugh and to watch him play his guitar and to have him smile when he watched me play my guitar and to sing with him. (I'm starting to get all sappy, and I apologize in advance.) There's something intensely deep about worshipping God with one guitar and two harmonizing voices in your living room. I can't even begin to comprehend (let alone explain) what that meant.

But our visit wasn't all about intensity, even though I could probably sit here and make every second of it seem like the most melodramatic, Romantic (with a capital "R") two days in history. But that wouldn't be fair, and it wouldn't be accurate. Life isn't about melodrama; it's about real relationships. And real friendship can't survive on pure intensity for very long. Friendships need humor, too, and the fact that ours has that in close proximity to intensity is incredible.

Plus, I have a rejuvenated love for downtown Evansville...except for the butterflies that look like Elvis. Those are just weird.

And you all thought I was crazy when I said something about butterflies looking like Elvis in downtown Evansville. Ha!

The Countdown

1 day, 17 hours

So, today was awesome, despite the fact that my sleep last night was interrupted twice by Eve's bloody noses. I swear, you'd think that she was cracked in the face last week by some hyper child's head or something, the way this thing keeps bleeding. I am a little bit worried about it, but we made it through the rest of today without incident, which was good cause this way the day rocked.

We went to Patoka Lake today cause my dad's company rented a shelter and some cabins, and I guess several of the guys he works with own boats. So, we got there and went on some dude's pontoon boat. I was less than thrilled with this because I went there for water sports, not for some lame pontooning. But apparently, this is the pontoon boat of the 21st century, cause it totally kicked butt. Once we got out of the marina, this boat totally flew. So, we messed around on the intertube a little bit, which was fun. But it was no challenge at all. So, soon, we got out the kneeboard, which is about 1000% more fun and probably about that challenging, too. Well, getting the strap velcroed tightly around your knees is the challenging part. Once you're up and riding, it's just plain fun. But my arms were sore for a few hours afterward. I swear I need to find some friends that have some boats so I can get in a good workout every weekend. That was the best, most fun workout I've had in a while.

But now the day's over, and I'm trying to load everything back in the closet that I painted a few days ago. My brother built my shelves in there, so I now have somewhere to put everything that was crowding my family room.

Countdown: 2 days, 18 hours.

One great thing about being back from Jamaica and seeing the beginning of school in the horizon is that I'm getting really good at actually getting some things done around here. I've only had the goal of organizing my closet on my mind all summer. But anyway, I finally started. Yesterday, I cleared it out and painted it. Today, I don't know...I might put shelves up or I might just load everything back in and do the shelves sometime when I have some help. But it's nice to have a chunk of it out of the way.

This morning, my quiet time was cool. I started reading Esther yesterday after talking to Billy on Wednesday night. He totally inspired me. Anyway, reading was good, and the lesson that I'm getting out of the book is that God not only takes care of his people no matter what (Es. 4:14), but He also makes it well known (Es. 6:13). So, I'm challenged in my own life: How much do I boast in the things that God does for me? What am I doing to spread the fame of His name?

Tomorrow, my family is going to Patoka lake for some company picnic, and I'm all psyched cause I absolutely love water.

Stereotype Orphan

Eve in the Bus

Chantel Sniffs

Sticker Face (layout by Glenton Smith)

The Troublemaker

America, the Beautifully Materialistic

So, coming back from Jamaica. Hmmm...unfortunately much easier than I would have liked. I miss my boys down there, definately, but getting back into an American lifestyle is a lot simpler than I hoped it would be. I guess I hoped that seeing poverty daily and realizing that I am so blessed would have helped me give a second thought to whether or not I really need to have new shelving in my closet or a pretty sunset picture over my couch (as you can easily guess, I decided that they are both quite necessities...how lame.). I guess this will be my earthly struggle for who knows how long. On the one hand, I totally feel for the boys in Jamaica, but on the other hand, I'm so well aware that material possessions aren't what make or break a person. So, while I feel bad for them, I only feel bad for them in a spiritual sense. Are they certain that God loves them? Do they understand what the cross means? If they can answer those questions in the affirmitive, then it doesn't really matter what they have or what I have.

Cause sometimes, I just think...you know, God didn't allow me to live in America so that I couldn't use air conditioning. Yes...this has been at the front of my mind cause it's freaking HOT here. Jamaica isn't hot like this. It's more humid there, I guess, but it's in the 80s there and it's in the 100s here. So, why shouldn't I spend my money on being comfortable? (Wow! Do I sound like I'm trying to convince myself of something or what!) Seriously, isn't air conditioning and living in America a blessing from God, too?

But regardless, I want desperately to go back to live in Jamaica for a longer time than one week. I have to have faith that God will use whatever I can give because there are serious doubts in my mind as to what was actually accomplished there in one week. But I know that God continues to work beyond the human effort. I just wish that I could be there to see it. So, I want to return sometime in the not too distant future. Maybe I'll rent my own place so that I don't have to share a house with 41 other people. And I'll go visit my precious friend, Glenton Smith and see his smile and tell him everyday that I love him and God loves him.

In the meantime, I just pray about it. And obviously, I spend money on myself cause it's the American way. But Jamaica is in my heart, and I think that it will be for a long time to come.

(pix to come soon)