Time Slips so Quickly Away

So, it's been a while, huh?

Yeah...things are cool here, but hectic, and I have little time to relax anymore. On Billy's accountability sheet at church, there's a place where it asks if he got to have any fun that week. Ithink that's cool. They don't want their staff to get overworked or to put work as an undue priority. So, he's been playing a video game lately to have fun.

I, on the other hand, have not had a ton of time for fun, and it's kinda taking its toll on me. Today, though, I get to go hang out with my bridesmaids and just have some lunch and fellowship.

I'm hoping to go to youth group tomorrow, too. That'll be fun. I haven't been in a few weeks.

SO.....those of you who know me...or have read any of the entries about waiting in between visits with Billy....know that counting down is my way of life. Of course...2 weeks to the day till the wedding. That sounds do-able. I'm particularly thrilled that I had the foresight to schedule student conferences with my students for the week prior to the wedding. This is much less stress than actually teaching for those days. (In case anyone cares...)

Well...I guess I'm out. I do have much to do today, but I have to say...it was fun to sit down and catch you all up.

Can't wait to see some of you at the wedding, and for anyone who never sent me your address....you suck! But you can still come. E-mail me, and I'll hook you up with the info.

Too psyched to stand it

Ah, man... I seriously am in the best mood ever. Billy should be over soon to tell me all about youth group and I totally got my work done a long time ago. So, you know...being bored and all, I got online after the chica was in bed and I totally found my best friend from college. Ouch...okay Jenn...chill.... He was totally my best friend, too. I'm allowed to have different best friends. You're the best friend who tree jumped with me, stood by me while I was pregnant and ashamed, and kept me accountable. He was the best friend who I played music with, talked about philosophy with, hacky-ed with, didn't smoke pot with (Jenn was this best friend, too, by the way), travelled to Jersey with, and foolishly stopped chillin' with due to a lame choice in boyfriends. I've thought about him tons, and I finally found him on myspace. Now, I know that some people believe myspace is the devil, but right now, I'm freaking too psyched to stand it over how godly myspace is. Errr...at least, God can use it, right????

Anyway, he hasn't been on since like November, so I'm just crossin my fingers and actually, I'm saying some prayers, too...cause I totally wanna see what he's up to.

Remember the Victims of Abortion

January is the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade, which legalized abortion on demand. Since then, over 3,000 unborn a day have been killed at the hands of "doctors." But babies aren't the only victims. God will take care of the babies, but the parents continue to live with the memory and pain. Please pray for their healing.

"6 am...day after Christmas.
I put some clothes on in the dark.
Smell of cold...car seat is freezing.
The world is sleeping; I am not.

Up the stairs...to her apartment.
She is balled up on the couch.
Mom and Dad went down to Charlotte.
They're not here to find us out.

And we drive.
Now that I have found someone,
I'm feeling more alone than I ever have before.

She's a brick, and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast, and I'm heading nowhere.
She's a brick, and I'm drowning slowly.

They call her name at 7:30.
I pace around the parking lot.
I walk down to buy her flowers
and sell some gifts that I got.

Can't you see?
It's not me you're dying for.
Now she's feeling more alone than she ever has before.

She's a brick, and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast, and I'm heading nowhere.
She's a brick, and I'm drowning slowly.

As weeks went by,
It showed that she was not fine.
They told me, "Son, it's time to tell the truth,"
and she broke down.
I broke down cause I was tired of lying.

Driving back to her apartment.
For the moment, we're alone.
She's alone.
I'm alone.
Now I know it."

--"Brick" by Ben Folds Five

Bleary-Eyed

Oh my freakin' gosh! I am so incredibly tired right now, and I'm probably going to make no sense at all.

I'm at school this morning because the semester started today. It's cool. I was a bit nervous, like always. That just means that I talked too fast, and my students are probably like "what the heck?" But it's cool. I'm awaiting 11:00 so my next batch will come. My first class is full, but my other two aren't, which is nice. I can always connect a little better when there are fewer people in the class. And less papers to grade...duh.

So, we got back from Michigan at like 11:30 last night, I think. Or at least, once I got my stuff out of the car and got ready for bed, that's when it was. 6:00 came too soon.

Michigan was a blast. We did nothing, and I loved every minute of it. Except for the ones when I was cranky over a lack of sleep and other annoying things. I didn't love those minutes, but meeting Billy's brother was super cool. He's just as cool as Billy said. We had some good late night talking, and he called me, "Sis." That was probably the cherry on top of the sundae. Although....I don't actually like those cherries.

Anyway, I also got to meet Flynn, who made a huge impact on Billy's life. Is was really neat to have lunch with him and his wife and hear some of their stories and tell some of ours.

Eve-Marie can't wait to go back. She told us that before we'd even reached Indianapolis.

Kewl.

Montego Bay Sunset

When I don't have the words...

I'm glad someone else did.

"Night breaks.
My heart could not ache anymore.
Am I that easy to ignore?"
--Sixpence

"I don't need anyone.
I don't need anyone.
I don't need anyone to tell me what to feel.
I don't need anyone.
I don't need anyone.
I don't need anyone to hate the world with me."
--Catch 22

"Faded memories ignored,
I crawl across the forest floor.
Pool reflects an orphan child.
Lost, afraid, alone, and wild.
Fatherless and nameless still.
Empty heart and broken.
Will there ever be a place where I belong?

I cower 'neath the monster trees.
I try to stand on tired feet.
Gravity knocks me to the ground.
Where I give up,
Tears roll down.
I claw the dust and beg the end.
Curse the day that I began
To hope there'd be a place where I belong."
--Chris Rice

The Ring

Take a look at the gorgeous ring that my gorgeous fiance got me!

Riddle of the Day

Q. What starts at 7:00 am, tastes like chocolate, but looks like diamonds?

A. A new engagement, Billy and Sarah style.

Yes...for all you who I've been gushing to lately about the amazing man who stole my heart, you can now erupt with me in a long series of applause, screams and (if you're Amanda) "ow, ow"s.

It all started at 7:00. From my bed, I heard an obnoxious sound outside my window. It sound like a dying bear, one that was choking on his recently blessed meal of atheist hiker. I knew immediately that it was actually my knight in his noble steed we call a car. He was exhausted because he couldn't sleep the night before. So, being the considerate girlfriend that I am, I made my love some coffee.

Eve-Marie and I have this advent calendar that we eat chocolate from every day. Yesterday, I offered for Billy to share the candy, but alas! when I opened the box, there was none to be found. A piece of folded paper lay where my dark heaven on earth was supposed to be. I began to curse Starbucks for failing me in my chocolate void. I opened the paper and read the following:

"Sarah, Where's your chocolate? Perhaps in the A: drive of your computer."

What followed was a rigamarole of clues and laughter, mingled, admittedly, with annoyance. Finally, I was directed back to the calendar to look in the box for Christmas Eve. Still no chocolate. Rather, it was carats.

Billy bent to one knee, told me he loves me with all his heart, and asked me to marry him. I nodded.

Chocolate never tasted so good.

w00t!

Score, dood! Seriously. I feel so freakin responsible right now. I totally just did a bunch of work when I was suppossed to. That hasn't happened in....man....forever, basically.

Dewd...do I rawk or what????? ^_^

Forever

Seems like too long since I posted, and I guess it has been almost 2 weeks. These last weeks have been hectic, but also very good.

The end is near, and boi! am I thrilled. It's exciting to see all the work of the semester come together. Like I had this one students who's having a hard time on his last essay, and it was awesome cause I got to praise his hard work up till now. Like, he only needs about a 50% on that essay to pass the class because he worked so hard all semester up till now. He's been putting effort in, and it's nice to see how it actually is rewarding. Then, I have some other students who don't have to take their final because they've earned an "A." So, I don't know. It's just nice to see how it's all coming to completion and how most of my students are getting the point. Some still aren't, and I feel like I failed, but I can't make students learn. I can't make them sit and do their assignments outside of class or make them print it out and bring it. Still, I feel sometimes like I failed to motivate or something.

But Christmas break is coming, and that rawks. I hope to be able to find the money somewhere to dye my hair the fun ways I don't feel are appropriate for teaching. And I'm looking forward to being with Eve and doing things around the house without thinking about the papers that still need grading. Things hanging over my head = mad insanity. I'm looking forward to spending time every day making myself work on getting prepared for school so I'm not so far behind like I was this semester.

I'm looking forward to Christmas Eve at my parents' with a new guest this year. I'm looking forward to Epiphany in Michigan. I'm looking forward to Billy's birthday cause I got him a rawkin present that he'll absolutely adore. Yeah...Christmas break should be good.

And I probably won't write on here again until it starts cause that's just not a responsible thing to do with all the stuff that I have to do for school in the meantime.

Like right now...I need to grade some papers.

I'm out.

God is Good

I had an awesome day today. In part...in large part...due to meeting with a friend to discuss the intricacies of childrearing, relationships, and blessings. We looked at Psalm 37, and I have found a good rival to Matthew 5-7 for my favorite passage. Psalm 37 talks about the benefit of following God, trusting in Him, and remaining faithful in the midst of evil surroundings. It is really a beautiful poem and very encouraging. So, I am reminded that God is good.

Yesterday, I was not having a great day. I was upset over my own personal weaknesses, but today, I was reminded that "Though I may fall, I will not be utterly cast down, for I am in the hands of the Lord." It's hard for me to admit that it's okay to screw up. It's probably even harder for me to admit that the only reason I don't think it's okay is that I'm full of too much pride. But I've come to a point where I realize that my pride is benefitting no one. When I admit my weakness, this is when God can show his strength through me. And God has been showing off lately.

One of the biggest ways, in case no one could tell from previous posts, is just in how things with Billy are transpiring. He is an amazing creation of the deepest Artist. My heart does some insane things when he and I talk--I'm comfortable and peaceful, but somehow stirred with excitement and fireworks. I don't know...it's not like there are really words for love. But God continues to show himself in the depth of connection that we continue to be blessed with.

This week is a good one, I think. I have most of the week off of school, and of course, Thanksgiving will be nice with Billy here. We have a lot to be thankful for.

I'm tired, I guess. So, I shall head to bed.

"And on this road to righteousness, sometimes the climb can be so steep.
I may falter in my steps, but never beyond Your reach."

--Rich Mullins

Up Close and Personal

So, we went to the Jars of Clay concert. I say it that way only because that's how it was advertised. I really bought my ticket so that I could see Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz. He rocked the house. He was completely funny in one of his selections. The other was completely deep.

When he read his works, he read them exactly how I imagined he would from reading his book. He writes in a natural cadence and it's just very appealing. Someday, I want to write how he writes.

We met him after the show, and I have to say, he's very cute...you know, in an overweight beaver-y sort of way. That was mean, I know. I seriously admire the guy like crazy, and it was a privilege to meet him. I wished that we weren't standing in the hallway with other people waiting behind us cause I totally wanted to talk to him about writing. I wanted to know when he started and how, but I'm sure that I know what he'd say anyway cause pretty much everyone starts out the same way. Perserverance is a quality I think I will be developing soon...one way or another.

Down...

I went through the middle of the tornado damage today. It had been closed of for some time, and today was the first time I had reason to enter. I was on my way to the post office, and by the time I got there, I was quiet in my soul. Unbelievable is the only way to describe it. It is hard to write about, and undoubtedly, harder to live in. I have the feeling that I had when 9/11 happened and when I watched The Passion of the Christ. My life is full of blessing, and can I really see anything as an inconvenience again? As I go on buying lamps and mattresses and making plans for fun, some people have no choice but to start over. And some people have no place to start from. I don't know. Words can't capture the grief that entered my heart today. Tears alone can capture that, but as always, they are no where to be found.

I wrote a poem, and you can click here to see it.

Wicked New Store...check it.

I found this most rawkin new store. They have seriously the raddest clothes ever, and like super cute models in their catalogs. Like I guess it's a small company based out of Saginaw of all places (for those unaware...that's where Billy's from), so like you should all support them cause they're local to my boi.

Click HERE for their catalog. The link's kinda finicky, but trust me...it's worth it!

Mission: Almost Accomplished

For everyone who was tired of hearing about my fence...
I officially finished the inside today. Now I just have the outside corner to do.

And I still haven't finished organizing my closet.

But Billy and I have picked out a lovely yellow gold faucet for our first kitchen together...for whatever that's worth.

Sunrises and Flames

I love newness, which perhaps is why I get bored so easily. When something can capture my mind, though, boredom never seems to call.

Billy and I tried to watch a sunrise this weekend. We woke early, while it was still dark. It was also still very cold. Turning onto Ojibway, we found a dock, then sat huddled in our coats that suddenly weren't warm enough. The sunrise never really appeared. We realized after a time that the sky had never shown its angelfire for us to worship over. But the morning came, as it always does, and soon the sky was bright, though overcast.

Our hands were freezing as we got back in his car. And the coffee felt good going down. Our bodies needed heat...some outside source to alter us. Our hearts, though, were warmed already through the growing flames of love.

The Olsen twins...

...or triplets???

My Little Apple Dumpling