Ain't too soft

So, God totally rocks. Or as my mom would've said circa 1997, "God rocks 'n' rules!" Sweet. Parents are weird. Except me. I'm not weird...I'm, uh, eccentric. Yeah. That's right.

Anyway, God totally rocks. Like this trip we're going on was all $14,000 in the hole, and now we only need $4500. In two days! That's insane. But you know...God's ways aren't our ways. And the people involved in the trip wanted the money 2 weeks ago. But how much faith do ya hafta have if you got the money 2 weeks ahead of time, am I right? Well, it was a lesson in trust. And it was also a lesson in making it through a couple days without antacids. heheh... Of course, I actually kinda like Pepto Bismol. It's quite tasty. And I'm not even joking.

I remember a year ago, when I found out all this disgusting stuff about this person who was previously very close to me, I had a perpetual upset stomach and was totally downing bottles of the pink stuff. I thought it was good. The situation sucked, but I love the man who invented pepto bismol. I totally want to marry him. Uh...but if it was a woman, I'll just give her a big thumbs up!

So, I'm in a happy mood cause I'm super excited about going to Jamaica. I'm really looking forward to seeing God work, and I'm only slightly nervous about leading the singing. I figure that God will stretch me, and that'll be good cause then I can come back to the good U.S.A. and get up in front of people and sing and then fulfill my dream to be a rock star. Yeah...I'm sure that's the exact plan on God's mind.

Well, anyway. Today: Stained most of the outside of my fence. Worked. Typed lyrics of praise songs for Jamaica. Went to my parents to watch Dr. Phil, but it was a re-run...all about moochers.

Later.

Living High on the Moonshine Hog

Okay, so why is it that people who like bad music also like it loud? Especially when it's bad bluegrass (and yes, as a matter of fact, there is good bluegrass http://www.alisonkrauss.com )Man! I know I shouldn't complain. The only reason I had to endure 3 hours of crappy music was because I got a last minute painting job and made money to replace my child support that never came. So, actually, despite the music, it was actually great. A good ending to a great day.

It started like any normal Sunday at church. Worship was awesome. And my pastor preached about David and Bathsheba. He was totally hardcore about honesty and about addictions and pornography, which I thought was awesome. And he also talked to women about being sure that we're dressing modestly. That can be pretty hard, but girls are worth so much more than they think they are.

Probably the highlight of the day was that today was NATIONAL ICE CREAM DAY! Yeah! So, I have this really good friend who's an ice cream addict, and she and her daughter were more than happy to celebrate it with us. They're funny cause they don't even care if it's ice cream day or not...they're straight up addicted, I swear. But we're not, so we needed this perfect excuse to indulge. Mmmmmm....coffee ice cream and chocolate syrup....yummy yumm yumm. Although I think I'm gaining weight right now just by thinking about it. (And yes, as a matter of fact, that is possible...some sorta chemical thing going on in your body...)

Tomorrow I get to watch my favorite little girl (other than my daughter) and then go talk about Jamaica with a bunch of other Jesus freaks and then talk to someone amazing on the phone. I'm looking forward to that. :)

An Experiment in Fasting and Prayer

Today was insane...like as in God is totally amazing it's insane. I had my first successful day of fasting and prayer. And I hesitate to write about it cause I'm not all trying to be boastful, like look at how holy I am cause I fasted. Actually, I gave up on fasting for appearances a long time ago. When you do that, it never works anyway. The way I alway experienced it was that I spent all day thinking about how hungry I was that I never had a chance to pray anyway. And really, who wants to not eat if you're not gonna get that benefit of prayer to compensate?

No, see, I actually fasted cause for the first time I felt called to do it. I've had a bunch of stuff thrown at me lately. Mainly, God did some amazing things in me concerning relationships. All kinda of relationships: my relationship with Him, with my friends, with my family (particularly my father), with my neighbors, and with a certain awesome somebody that I've never even met before.

I think what surprised me the most about today was the certainty I have as I end my day and prepare to go on with life as usual...although I'm not altogether convinced that I want to do that. But the thing is that everything I prayed about today has been in my prayers for weeks. Today, though, I have answers.

I broke my fast with dinner at Culver's, which is usually awesome, but today, it gave me a tummy ache. I think that eating Chocolate Peanut Crisp custard was a little over the top for not eating all day. It sounded so good on the menu, but right now...well, it makes me wanna puke.

Anyway, I feel rejuvenated (and oil-free!). I think things are gonna be cool for a while, and when they're not again...I think I understand what I need to do.

Peace.

New songs...

So, I'm hoping to have some songs up on here soon, assuming that geocities will start working and that my connection isn't too slow to upload the files.
But anyway...below are the lyrics to the ones I've recorded.

COMPROMISED

I'm so tired
Of feeling sorry for myself
I'm so restless here in America.
I'm so tempted
To leave everything I know,
To just get up and go.

I need a reason to stay,
To not leave everything behind,
To make it through today
Not wond'ring what happened to my life.
This isn't where I thought I would be.
This isn't where I wanted to be.
This isn't where I hoped I would be--
Compromised.

I was so sure...
But I've come here unprepared.
I'm so wasted and feeling so alone.
I'm so sickened
By the world I see around me.
But it's all I have found.


--No Title Yet--

You can't stop running away,
But who are you running to?
You have to get away
To find yourself anew,
But who are you?
Yeah, who do you think you are?
And when did this impression on your mind
Become more than He who called?

So, you're scared of losing all you hold?
I think you're scared of growing old
And finding you're still alone.

You find an empty road
And an empty tomb beside.
Are you washed out in the blood,
Or tossed out in the tide?
Well, which way is up?
Yeah, how much freedom do you possess?
And where does freedom get you, anyway,
If your heart is still a mess?
Will you ever find success?

Cut The Rope

Cut the rope
That's tying me down
And leaving me lonely
In this distant town.
I've been waiting for you too long.
You never come around,
So why are you tying me down?
Cut the rope.

You do well to glorify yourself.
Just the same, only a fool would think
You are the one who's pulling me higher
Or you are the water my thirsty heart drinks.
Well, it was just your imagination.
You're creative and I'll give you that.
But I can't live on potential earnings
And dreams of Cadillacs.

I never asked for much--
Just a little love from you.
All you had to say was "You're special to me."
And "Where you are, I want to be too."
But it was just my imagination
Dreaming that you'd come through for me.
Always dreaming of the future
That one day we'd be a family.

Moving On

Each time you speak--
Did you think I'd want to listen,
As you shred me to pieces
With your sorry monologue?
What did you think I'd say
When you asked me to reply?
Did you think I'd passively lie by?

Ain't feeling sorry.
I'm not the one that's killing you.
I won't apologize.
You're not the one I answer to.
Well, I'm distracted by my lack of care.
That's why I left you there
Where you've been living too long.
I'm moving on.

I don't owe you an explanation.
My silence says all I'll say.
You don't listen, anyway.
Each time you cry--
I want to bury you in your grave.
Did you think I'd want you here
To root me in my fear?

I don't want you,
And you think that no one wants you
And you threaten suicide.
Well, I'm done now.
I'm moving on somehow
From my attempts to rectify.
If you die...
It's only you who dies.