I Wanna Dance with Somebody

Prompt: What was the first CD (or record or cassette) you ever purchased? Write about the way that particular album made you feel then. Write about how it makes you feel now.

I'm not sure how old I was. Looking back, it seems like I was just in 1st or second grade, but I can't be sure of that.  There's nothing that I recall to tie it into, as I normally do to remember things from so long ago.  I seem to have a small recollection of living in a particular house that we moved from when I was 8, so I'm going with it.

My sister was into Whitney Houston, and really... what little sister doesn't want to emulate their older sibling?  So, somehow, I bought the record single of "I Wanna Dance with Somebody."  I can remember the cover vividly.  Whitney on the front with untamed hair, a white tank top and tight jeans.  Her thumb is tucked around the hem of her tank pulling it up to show her stomach.  I thought she was so cool.

And I thought I was grown up.  To have my own record of real songs.  I'd had kiddie stuff before.  I can recall some of the things that I had from childhood just as if it were yesterday, pulling from my mental file of relate-able lyrics, and singing them when the timing is right (a wonderful ability I got from my mom, which my sister possesses, too).  Things like Cabbage Patch Kids and Psalty.


So, this Whitney Houston thing was a big deal.  I had songs by a grown up that was for grown ups.  


Looking back, it's funny to think of how I used that album.  I put it on my Fisher Price record player, got my toys out, and made Barbie give concerts to the other dolls.  I also did this with my American Tale record.  I was still a kid.


It's funny how  you grow up and think that things are such a big deal.  Yet as I look back, I can see that this record did little to truly comment on the reality of my state.  I was still a kid, with or without that record.


When we're little, it seems that we think some outer source can contribute to our identity.  I don't think that I thought, "I'm grown up, so I should get this record."  It was more, "I want to be grown up, so I should get this record."


I guess I realize that while I can look at my record and see that it wasn't the catalyst for growing up, I'm not sure I always can look at things around me to see that now.  Sure, I've grown in that.  But sometimes, maybe I still think "I want to be ___________, so I should get _________."

Maybe sometimes, I still want to be something I'm not, and I still think I will become that by turning to something material outside of myself.  


Right now, I want to be someone artsy.  There have been times in my past that I have pursued arts much more than now.  I guess I'm starting to see that as I approach that desire to regain my creativity and personal style, I need to investigate who I am before I rely on a method, an object, or a persona to simply carry me down a path of self-delusion.